True but thats because hes a fetus.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
