YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
