I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
