I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
