i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
