My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His hands were made for my vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
