Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
