Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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