She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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