im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I love having hate sex.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
