Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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