yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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