turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
