I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Damn victory sex feels great
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize