when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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