Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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