Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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