I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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