1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
