I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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