just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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