i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize