The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
did i walk over a car last night?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
