so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
My underwear smells like fireworks.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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