i wish semen tasted like chocolate
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
