She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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