i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
