I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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