Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize