He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
