You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
