If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
