Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize