this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Two words: blizzard sex
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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