is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
