so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
