I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
