I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
