she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize