The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
the condom got lost in my hair
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
