Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
