Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
