i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
