It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
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