Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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