He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
