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• (337): View more from Louisiana

  i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook

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• (716): View more from New York

  I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina

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• (323): View more from California

  It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent

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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?

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• (559): View more from California

  You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka

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• (518): View more from New York

  I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out

  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids

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• (845): View more from New York

  I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?

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