Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
