you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
