the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
