lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
