Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
