In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
