all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My balls are so social today.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize
