Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
