Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize