He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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