Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
