He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
