how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
