CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
