We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
