Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
