I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
