So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
