What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
